you know how sometimes a snippet of a song sticks in your head until you unravel the personal message hidden in the words? i'm not talking about an eighties one hit wonder that you can't shake... it's more of feeling like you are on the verge of a mini-personal-revelation? i've got that going on.

i walk in stride with people
much taller than me
and partly it's the boots but
mostly it's my chi
and i'm becoming transfixed
with nature and my part in it
which i believe just signifies
i'm finally waking up

and there's this moth outside my kitchen door
she's bonkers for that bare bulb
flying round in circles
bashing in her exoskull
and out in the woods she navigates fine by the moon
but get her around a light bulb and she's doomed

she is trying to evolve...

in the wake of the iowa and new hamphire primaries, my faith in the dean campaign was starting to wane. i've been pretty darn diligent about reading about each candidate... and am firlmly planted in the dean camp. all of the others agitate me on one issue or another - and to be honest - i don't like kerry's rhetoric or the way he carries himself.

but all i kept hearing was that people whose primary objective was trying to elect a democratic nominee to beat bush - were straying from dean. not to mention, dean's trouble with financing the campaign and the dismissal of his campaign manager have been a very hot topic in the last few days. troublesome to say the least.

last night i came across an exciting blog from a fellow in vermont who intercepted dean on his campaign trail and it renewed my faith. i ask that you democrats take a gander at his thoughts. they are only the thoughts of one individual - but they said quite a bit to me:

Having now sat through three years of the Bush restoration, including the ignoble meltdown of the Democratic party in 2002, I have to say that a talent for practical politics and a certain level of shrewdness are starting to look mighty attractive to me. The Howard Dean I saw in Plymouth is principled, consistent, but also smart enough to wage the kind of presidential campaign that could unseat Bush... He was a good governor for Vermont, and I wouldn't mind another four years of his leadership.

between sundance, the golden globes and a bit of time on the couch - i've spent much of the last week either reading about celebrities or watching them on tv. i've been amused by the various commentaries on the boobage at the golden globes (this is not a new phenomenon, people) and the snobbery of sundance.

i've followed the sundance coverage intensely as it is particularly dear to my heart. you see, in my youth I attended park city high school and worked in a lovely little coffee shop at the mouth of (old) mainstreet. i had the honor of serving skinny half-caf quad mochas to the drunk, rich and famous... and i was rarely tipped for the privilege.

we had a bumpersticker in those days: "don't bite the tourists, they feed us." we were also known for pelting fur-laden women with snowballs from the roofs of mainstreet restaurants, or chasing them down the street, reaching out to pet their coats or make animal noises in their general direction. yes, i was a bratty teenager.

but most of all i remember the entire town bending over backwards for the pomp and circumstance, putting their best foot forward - genuinely ignoring the fact that you couldn't visit the post office or have any hope of getting an evening off that week. you couldn't eat at any restaurant except hardie's and you got tired of explaining that beer from the grocery store was only 3.2 and that no, you can't buy liquor at albertson's - but the guy who owns the toy store is rumored to be quite the coke dealer. (true story)

i am extremely amused by the sundance recap from the morning news - although it is of note that the smog of which she speaks is actually known as the inversion layer (dad - "the whole valley must be on fire!"); the mediocre and overpriced restaurant she refers to as the "wasach" is really the wasatch brew pub, named for the mountain range that is home to park city, and also the site of my brother's bachelor party; and lastly the eating establishment should never be a site for lunching - because the miner's breakfast is THE ONLY breakfast worth having in town.

also of amusement was heather havrilesky's sundance review in salon. (subscription or ad viewing required)

it would seem that the keller family is healing - the big guy seems to be back on track, i've kicked the fever and am only wrestling with the remnants of nausea, the kittens are fine as long as they avoid the hairballs and the sea monkeys have quite literally quadrupled in size. just thought you'd all like to know.

- splitting headache
- stinging eyes
- cold sweats
- achy joints
- stomach cramps
the big guy gave me the flu, the bastard.

later today a shiny, new dishwasher will arrive at our humble little abode. and the old one that hasn't worked right in months will be whisked away to that big appliance junkyard in the sky. i am ridiulously excited as it will vastly improve the quality of life in our kitchen in so many ways. if only i could teach it to swiffer the floor too!

please though, keep your fingers crossed that the knocking of the installation guys will be able to sufficiently rouse the big guy from his slumber. if i don't get my new toy because of a few zzzzz's, there will be marital beatings to follow.

a quick thank you needs to go out to my friends who have offered intellectual insights, empathy, assassination services, spamming techniques and various other kinds of support. i find it ironic though that most of you agreed about the monkey thing. (except for cherz who is under the distinct impression that i am a deaf chinchilla, but as it turns out, he's just jealous!)

my dear friend zond recently questioned my knowledge of history (among many other things). for some strange reason, despite the variety of insults, it was the the history thing that got my goat.

you see, the study of history - historiography - demands a critical approach that extends beyond the mere examination of historical fact. historiographical studies consider the source of the writing, often by gaining an understanding of the author as a person and the intellectual trends that are present at the time that the work of history was written.

to expand on this issue, let's weigh in with one of the world's great philosophers. hegel's theory of history says that for every idea there is a conflicting idea that exists due to the inherent contradictions in the first. furthermore, out of this struggle a new idea is created. (this is the dialectic formula - thesis, antithesis, synthesis). thus, history is simply the product of conflict.

"periods of happiness are empty pages in history, for they are the periods of harmony, times when the antithesis is missing." - hegel

in simple terms - the history that you and I read in school, that we read on the web and in magazines - is fact, interpreted... fact that is veiled by the "isms" to which the author subscribes.

so while I could indeed google "president kennedy" and read that when taxes have been cut in this country, tax revenue has increased - i could just as easily find a historian or thirty who disagrees with this "fact." economics is no more cut and dry than history - if it were, we wouldn't be in the midst of a recession. ever.

and just for the record, it is these conflicts that make democracy a viable system. yes - i admit - you are reading the blog of a liberal. (gasp!)

so please zond - feel free to email me and let me know when i have a typo. i admit - i don't edit my personal blog. i don't use spell check when posting about petting my kittens or a writing about my reactions to the state of the union. and by all means - feel free to disagree with my opinions. (hegel told me that someone might!)

but - i have to ask - did your inquiry as to my high school diploma make you feel better? *

* note: i have a bachelor's degree in both english and history which did require that high school diploma first. just thought you'd like all of the facts so that you might properly insult my education in the future.

(sigh) off my soap box. that was fun actually. thanks zond, i appreciate it... but i promise you, hon - that was the last time any of your comments will inspire me to react.

because i don't have comments on my site, i thought i'd post the first true piece of hate mail ever to come about because of my blog.

i consider it an honor - as my words matter enough to inspire a complete stranger to compare me to a blind monkey!

You really are an ignorant youth.

If you had ever studied history, you would know that EVERY time taxes have been cut in this country, tax revenue has INCREASED. Perhaps you have heard of another subject: Economics.

I'll explain it to you R E A L slow so even you can understand. When price goes UP, volume goes DOWN. When price goes DOWN, volume goes UP. Decreasing taxes causes an INCREASE in spending, and more tax revenue. Try a Google on "President Kennedy" to learn more about this economic fact.

You wonder about Bush's math...Perhaps a little introspection is in order. You claim to have an English degree, yet your grammar is atrocious, you can't spell, and you make more typos than a blind monkey.

You criticizing ANYONE'S education is laughable. Let's see: you don't know history, you don't know economics, and your English is about 8th grade level. Did you even graduate from high school?

A REALLY concerned Republican

dear george -

i'm impressed that after four years you've remembered that there is such a thing as domestic policy, and that you've decided to pay attention to us, your people. i agree that community colleges, healthcare, and job creation are important.

i never knew we were so much alike! thank god that you've cut all of those taxes in order to better support these issues, and that you also plan to cut the defecit in half in the next five years. i do wonder, however, if your 'no child left behind' campaign is largely due to the fact that you were never taught to do math in elementary school.

sincerely,
a concerned citizen

it seems as if for the last few weeks i've had very little of interest to say. (warning - this post may fall into that same category!) life has seemed mundane at best, hectic at least. i've spent a lot of time in mental recovery - shaking off the holiday excess and trying to figure out what i'm doing. perhaps i've left my audience hanging... if so... well? the chorus to nirvana's 'smells like teen spirit' have never meant so much.

today is the 3 month anniversary of starting the new job - the day on which i am released from new-employee probation. the day it becomes just that much harder to fire me. the day on which i really should wear jeans on a tuesday.

the job is good though - an undeniable improvement on the last. i am busier than i have been since the dot-com days, and nearly as challenged. although the result is less interest in the pursuit of geekiness in my off hours, and amazingly less time to catch up on the millions of blogs i used to read on a daily basis.

this week marks a new time in my life though - i have friends penciled into my schedule, a much needed date with the big guy tonight, clean socks in the drawer. i have a camera cable on order so that i can take digi pics, and i am in the midst of planning a trip to visit my favorite brother.

also of note - the sea monkeys are thriving - and i couldn't be happier.

if only i could shake the feeling that it's thursday... despite rampant optimism, it's going to be a long week.

this week i have been critically aware of the little things that people do for me. i don't know if this week people were particularly kind in small but fabulous ways, or if every week is like this and i am pathetically oblivious - but regardless, i am thankful.

the following is a list meaningful events of this week... I:
- had a tour of a room in australia via ichat video
- received an email that reminded me of what is important
- ate a meal of homemade ravioli
- spent time with a friend from out of town
- was reminded that an extra 10 minutes in bed in the morning can change your day

and lastly - i'd like to give a special little thank you to the lovely individual who drew me a sea monkey, gave me invaluable knitting advice and brought krispy kremes into work this morning.

see? the little gestures do matter.

today was a red letter day here in my little existence - two very exciting things have occurred:

1) i am 48 hours into my first ever sea monkey experience and i think i saw one swimming! i'm a proud, proud mother.

2) my waferbaby baby-t arrived in the mail today and it looks just fabulous.

i really wish i could take a photo of each of these events to express to you the sheer joy i am feeling, but alas, our digi camera cord has been mysteriously missing for some time now. too bad, 'cause i'm one hot mama in that sexy shirt.

last night i taught myself the basics of knitting. now most individuals, especially those inclined towards the domestic art of knitting, would learn from a matriarch. a mother, grandmother - perhaps an aunt. but no, not me! instead i bought a kit from the grocery store - everything included but the yarn!

so i sat - cat on my left, ball of yarn on my right - book to the front, pillows behind - and followed a set of rudimentary instructions. within a half hour i was on my way to knitting zen. with a few hand cramps to temper the bliss.

so know i have half of a coaster? the beginning of a fashionably skinny scarf? a blanket for a baby mouse? it's not pretty, and i still don't know how to 'end' a project... but it's kinda cool seeing my hard work come to fruition.

i get the feeling though that knitting isn't actually a proper escape from computerdom as i was hoping. it still involves shoulders being hunched, fine-tuned finger movements, and my ass planted firmly on the couch. but gosh darnit! it was fun.

after a hard days work yesterday - braving terrible roads and bad oregon drivers - i came home only to crash on the couch at 7. at 11 i moved to bed. at about 11 am this morning i awoke, groggy, with a suspicious rattle in my chest - but feeling much better.

lord knows what evil disease my death-like sleep may have helped to overcome, but it is obvious to me that i must've needed the extra zzzs.

the thaw in oregon has begun... but it is slow. odot does not know how to plow roads, and didn't even attempt on the side streets (like ours) - so there is an endless amount of ice and slush covering the area, and we are hovering at a toasty 37 degrees. and a special thanks to the big guy, who spent an hour or two in the wee morn to dig his wife's car out of the wintry mess so that she might get to work. i love that guy.

during this year's macworld keynote, i was in three different chat conversations with a total of six other people. crazy to say the least, but entertaining to be sure. afterwards, all of my chat buddies commented on the new mini-ipod - "lame," "too spendy," "f*cking idiots," etc. i agreed with all of the above. one friend (and to be honest, i don't remember who it was) made the following observation: "well, that won't change the world."

for some reason, that comment has stayed with me. who do we expect apple to "change the world" a few times a year? we don't have those expectations of any other technology company out there... except for maybe the cell phone industry as a whole. apple's ability to change the world hasn't captured the marketshare, but rather they've only captured our imaginations.

the announcement of a 4G, $250, colored ipod was underwhelming - while they look good, and maintain the glorious interface - for an extra $50, you can triple your capacity. and price point is the biggest problems that ipods face in the market anyhow. so what were they thinking?

at the time i thought that it was just a notch in the evolutionary chain of the ipod. obviously there was a technological shift - and while they hadn't figured out how to make it marketable yet, it was the first milepost leading to the next true generation of ipods. while i won't buy one - i had hope that in the next year, they would've figured out how to make the new technology affordable.

well, today hp and apple announced a strategic alliance to deliver an hp-branded digital music player based on the ipod. personally, i can't wait to see it. apple sharing their interface and letting someone else figure out the price point and technological difficulties will be interesting if absolutely nothing else. it's an interesting shift in direction for apple - and while i have my doubts that hp can match the ipod's gorgeous industrial design, i think apple may be correct in ensuring the ipod/itunes long term viability.

it's the beginning of day three at home. 29 degrees and iced over here in p-town. i saw a few people waiting for the bus down the block,bundled and grumpy. it looks like they've been there awhile.

i'm lucky though - we still have electricity, water, and our trees appear to still be in tact. at least i'm better off than cherz! it's ok though, he doesn't shower anyway.

new seasons yesterday appeared to have a good price on duck. i may just roast one today.

and just so you all don't think i am an alcoholic, i only ended up drinking a half a beer while chatting last night. instead, i ended up on the treadmill - a much healthier fate.

and the big guy did make it home - if just barely. but he is peacefully snoozing upstairs.

i was just i.m.ing with a dear co-worker, let's call him bougalamoon. (that's farsi for 'turkey' - the 'n' is silent.) i shared the sad fact that the big guy was picked up by his boss in a big truck with chains, and taken off to work. so i am sitting, lonely, with the tv and cats keeping me company for the rest of the evening.

i made the comment that it was too bad that drinking alone was no fun - and bougalamoon said i wasn't alone - i was chatting, and so i had permission to get liquored! tell me it is so!

if others would like to weigh in on the situation, feel free to AIM me - semaphoria - and make sure you have a glass of wine on your end too.

in the same old news - we haven't reached above freezing, and after an hour of digging and pushing and chaining and ice chipping this afternoon, the big guy and i still couldn't get either car more than a foot and a half. so until we get some melting - maybe mid-day tomorrow - i am stuck.

on the upside we did make the trek to new seasons on foot - and so i am well stocked with goodies!

yesterday was fun and exciting... today is sure to bring cabin fever.

the snow has transitioned into freezing rain. something i had never seen until i came to the northwest... liquid falls out of the sky only to freeze upon contact with the ground. it generally brings fallen branches, downed power lines, and other generally awful surprises. one dear friend wasn't even able to get out of her front door this morning.

i haven't even ventured outside of the house yet today - but i'm tempted to make the six block trek to coffee, the grocery store, and hollywood video. but i'll be pissed if i get there and it's closed.

the big guy didn't have to go to work last night, and so we had a fabulous and complete snow day yesterday. i began the day chatting with multiple geeks about the macworld keynote as it unfolded (more on that later, perhaps). a bit later in the afternoon tbg's little brother picked us up in his chevy tahoe, and we did cookies in the parking lot of oaks park, our friendly neighborhood amusement park. (just a few blocks away). then we feasted on cornish hens and stuffing and canned green beans (!), popped a ridiculously expensive bottle of champagne, and watched bad tv by the fire.

today may bring more cooking out of sheer boredom. how are you?

estimating inches of snow on the ground in oregon vs. utah is like estimating the surf in california vs.hawaii... there is a huge variation. i must say though - there is no differentiation between street and curb as i look down on our street in portland - and that's as much snow as i've ever seen this close to the river. there aren't a single set of tire tracks on our street.

and to my fellow oregonians - you have just met powder for the first time in the last 24 hours. people always talk about the pow-pow up on mount hood, and i have always giggled. this snow that the newscasters have "never seen!" that can blow around - light and fluffy - that, my friends, is powder. gorgeous.

there is no word that work is officially "cancelled" due to inclement weather - but you couldn't pay me enough to travel an hour north to the hill that is home to our campus - also known as "windy ridge" to find out that i couldn't get up the driveway, or couldn't get home. and alas - i am days away from a vpn enabled wireless laptop that would've allowed me to do some work from home, but as it stands right now... i am going to snuggle with the cats and watch a movie or three.

i keep waiting for signs of life in the house across the way - they own a coffee shop a few blocks away - and i am willing to strap on the sorrels and the fleece to get a cup of chai. i'm not sure that i will hold my breath for that, but it would be nice.

and lastly - the big guy's drinking has paid off! yesterday, after hours upon hours of calling furnace repair shops to find that friday was the soonest we might have normal heat again, and estimates landed in the several hundred dollar range...

he finally gave up and stopped by one of our local haunts - vic's tavern - to warm up and ease the pain. there he was commisserating with another of the locals who promptly said "my brother is a furnace repair guy - lemme call him." for a few beers and a $50 we were in heat an hour and a half later...

of all the things to get a whole letterbox of emails about - green beans? you people have too much time on your hands. although i did recieve a fabulous recipe because of it. don't worry kids, if the preservatives haven't killed me by now... i'm not too worried about the future.

rumors of a heavy snow or perhaps an ice storm tonight. i'll make sure to have a can or eight on hand, just in case.

a warm congrats to mike schaadt and his lovely new wife fumi. those spring rolls were perhaps the best ever.

also, a very hearty congrats to aunt sandy on her retirement. we expect the brown sugar tart production to quadruple now that you have some spare time!

to whom it may concern -

i realize that we put gravel on the roads to avoid perilous icy traffic conditions, and we greatly appreciate such measures. though it should be noted, perhaps, that too much gravel results in perilous gravel traffic conditions.

thank you for your consideration in this matter.

- a concerned citizen

i just had an overwhelming craving for french cut green beans. canned. i now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

the big guy and i rang in the new year with a few friends, some hearty drinks and a warm kiss. it was a rare treat to be with him on new years, as he has worked on new years eve for the last six or seven years. i can only hope that your evening was as pleasant as mine.

the new year has started with terrible weather in the northwest. sufficiently crappy to make it slippery and cold, but not crappy enough to cancel work or keep most idiots off the roads. a good part of last night was spent marvelling at the local news footage of SUVs sliding into each other on a notorious hill in southeast portland. i just had to chuckle.

yesterday, whilst driving to a fabulously yummy new year's day party (thanks lady j!) - we passed a corner on which there were two prolific forts built of snow. the big guy commented with LOTR seriousness - 'a mighty battle has been fought here ' - at which point we delved into a very lengthy discussion about the architectural strengths and weaknesses of each fort design.

i have also noticed that one snowman just isn't good enough for northwesterners. most snow people appeared in couples, if not entire families - most of them life-sized. i guess when you don't get snow that often, you have to do it up right.

the weather is supposed to continue through the weekend - although we have a wedding to attend in corvallis, and a retirement party in salem. we will see how tomorrow looks... but i am wary.

while god decided to redesign the portland landscape for the new year, i have decided to let the semaphoria design live for awhile longer. (see funny, funny comic about new year's redesigns) i had considered starting anew, but decided that there are other priorities that needed to be addressed in my non-virtual world.